ORDER ONLY: Private Message to Terry
Dec. 30th, 2014 09:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_aliceMy dearest heart.
It is
It is next to impossible to know what to say, or how to be at times like this.
Loss never gets easier. It always hurts terribly, and never fully heals.
I'm feeling helpless and unmoored right now, but there are some things that I know down to the bottom of my soul.
I know that I love you.
I know that you are my son, as sure as I know anything.
I know that and that right now, more than ever, I want to hold you, Evie, and Kevin close, just to reassure myself that you're still here and safe and whole.
I know just how much joy it gives me to see you sitting across from me at Sunday dinner, and how deeply happy and full of pride I am every time I see you. Every single time.
I know that the sun will insist on coming up tomorrow, just as it has since the beginning of time.
You have a deep sense of honour and duty, love. It's one of the things I admire about you. But sometimes, we need to take our time to mourn, and to take care of ourselves. And when it's too overwhelming, and we can't do as good a job taking care of ourselves as we should, someone else needs to help us. When he lost his magic, Frank needed time to recover his strength. Right now, Draco needs time to rest. Remus is shouldering a great deal of the planning and decisions that have to be made until I can trust my judgment. This is no different.
I must admit, having my dear Professor tucked in under my arm right now would be a great comfort to me. But son, I know that we all have different ways of processing grief and loss, and you've had far more than your share as of late. If you need some time to yourself, I understand. Just make sure to follow Madame Pomfrey's suggestions, my sweet boy. I think talking to a Healer is a very good idea.
I love you.
It is
It is next to impossible to know what to say, or how to be at times like this.
Loss never gets easier. It always hurts terribly, and never fully heals.
I'm feeling helpless and unmoored right now, but there are some things that I know down to the bottom of my soul.
I know that I love you.
I know that you are my son, as sure as I know anything.
I know that and that right now, more than ever, I want to hold you, Evie, and Kevin close, just to reassure myself that you're still here and safe and whole.
I know just how much joy it gives me to see you sitting across from me at Sunday dinner, and how deeply happy and full of pride I am every time I see you. Every single time.
I know that the sun will insist on coming up tomorrow, just as it has since the beginning of time.
You have a deep sense of honour and duty, love. It's one of the things I admire about you. But sometimes, we need to take our time to mourn, and to take care of ourselves. And when it's too overwhelming, and we can't do as good a job taking care of ourselves as we should, someone else needs to help us. When he lost his magic, Frank needed time to recover his strength. Right now, Draco needs time to rest. Remus is shouldering a great deal of the planning and decisions that have to be made until I can trust my judgment. This is no different.
I must admit, having my dear Professor tucked in under my arm right now would be a great comfort to me. But son, I know that we all have different ways of processing grief and loss, and you've had far more than your share as of late. If you need some time to yourself, I understand. Just make sure to follow Madame Pomfrey's suggestions, my sweet boy. I think talking to a Healer is a very good idea.
I love you.
no subject
Date: 2014-12-31 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-31 08:04 pm (UTC)i just wantI just want something I can't believe I can havetoday is a little better. I spent the night as the professor. The Healer at Sherwood gave me a potion. Didn't sleep much, but the...the bad thoughts swirled a little bit less, is the best way I can describe it.
Madam Pomfrey says she'll come out to see me in a few days.
Can you forgive me if...if I'm not tucked under your arm right now? I'm not saying I won't come back. Just not right now.
Can you forgive me that it wasn't me?no subject
Date: 2015-01-01 12:58 am (UTC)Taking care of yourself right now is much more important, and it makes me feel better to know that you're doing what you need to do.
There will always be a place for you right here. Always.
no subject
Date: 2015-01-01 01:21 am (UTC)I would've torn the earth in half with my bare hands to find you.
You are so precious to me. And I know you're hurting, and that I can't make what caused it to stop. But I can love you. I can do that.