Perhaps I was feeling rather self-destructive at the time but I can't say I wouldn't make the same choice again, what, if Hydra's future depended on it.
As I said, I was trying to spare everyone the obligation to offer rescue. It's not that we didn't consider running away; we did do. But we decided it wasn't the most productive solution to our problem.
As for my 'apprenticeship,' I should hesitate to call it that just yet, what. Though I grow more certain that Professor Dolohov desires exactly that opportunity, he has made no formal offer and I have been cautious about appearing to be too willing. Given my previous objections to his subject, a sudden and complete reversal of my position could only seem to him as if my mind has turned toward revenge. Of course one can't properly call it that when in some way it has always been my goal to neutralise Hydra's mother and to some extent her father, what. Nonetheless it would be bally well foolish to let Professor Dolohov think I desire vengeance when he seems so close to accepting that his constant barrage of twisted morality is achieving the effect he wants. I say, it helps that I had started coming to his lunch salons well before all this happened. It will make my progression seem the more genuine, what.
But you're quite correct that I have every intention of putting myself to the Order's use as another spy in his lair, if you follow me. Cedric has access to matters of his correspondence, which are undoubtedly enlightening, but I hope I may be able to infiltrate deeper into the Professor's network, discover weaknesses among those he calls friends and above all, learn what he knows about Voldemort's apparent invulnerability. There would be no point in my risking personal disaster to obtain intelligence and not share it with the Order, what, in a timely fashion and with relevant recommendations.
I...shall give serious thought to your suggestion about a trusted confidante. The one I would choose is, of course, unavailable. I say, it may not be possible or advisable to entrust anyone else fully. I've actually spoken with Professor Snape, quite briefly, about the types of exigency one can expect from the rôle I mean to play. We agree that keeping one's own counsel in this situation may well be the best, safest option.
I have been thinking quite a lot lately about the circumstances which forced Hydra and I to give each other up. I say, not that I would wish it over again but, I don't know if either of us would have fixed on our current course had we remained paired. Perhaps our paths have been set in this direction because, in the end, it's necessary for the Order's eventual success.
I jolly well hope so, what. It would at least give our separation some meaningful purpose.
In any event, I do not wish anyone to worry about my loyalty or my commitment to what I mean to do. I had already decided to take advantage of Professor Dolohov's offer in order to benefit our side, what; I am fully cognisant of the risks I am undertaking and, my response to Mr Lestrange aside, I have no wish to die in the attempt, what. My goal is to end this conflict, successfully, so that we can all bally well enjoy freedom and a chance at happiness.
Re: Private Message to Justin
Perhaps I was feeling rather self-destructive at the time but I can't say I wouldn't make the same choice again, what, if Hydra's future depended on it.
As I said, I was trying to spare everyone the obligation to offer rescue. It's not that we didn't consider running away; we did do. But we decided it wasn't the most productive solution to our problem.
As for my 'apprenticeship,' I should hesitate to call it that just yet, what. Though I grow more certain that Professor Dolohov desires exactly that opportunity, he has made no formal offer and I have been cautious about appearing to be too willing. Given my previous objections to his subject, a sudden and complete reversal of my position could only seem to him as if my mind has turned toward revenge. Of course one can't properly call it that when in some way it has always been my goal to neutralise Hydra's mother and to some extent her father, what. Nonetheless it would be bally well foolish to let Professor Dolohov think I desire vengeance when he seems so close to accepting that his constant barrage of twisted morality is achieving the effect he wants. I say, it helps that I had started coming to his lunch salons well before all this happened. It will make my progression seem the more genuine, what.
But you're quite correct that I have every intention of putting myself to the Order's use as another spy in his lair, if you follow me. Cedric has access to matters of his correspondence, which are undoubtedly enlightening, but I hope I may be able to infiltrate deeper into the Professor's network, discover weaknesses among those he calls friends and above all, learn what he knows about Voldemort's apparent invulnerability. There would be no point in my risking personal disaster to obtain intelligence and not share it with the Order, what, in a timely fashion and with relevant recommendations.
I...shall give serious thought to your suggestion about a trusted confidante. The one I would choose is, of course, unavailable. I say, it may not be possible or advisable to entrust anyone else fully. I've actually spoken with Professor Snape, quite briefly, about the types of exigency one can expect from the rôle I mean to play. We agree that keeping one's own counsel in this situation may well be the best, safest option.
I have been thinking quite a lot lately about the circumstances which forced Hydra and I to give each other up. I say, not that I would wish it over again but, I don't know if either of us would have fixed on our current course had we remained paired. Perhaps our paths have been set in this direction because, in the end, it's necessary for the Order's eventual success.
I jolly well hope so, what. It would at least give our separation some meaningful purpose.
In any event, I do not wish anyone to worry about my loyalty or my commitment to what I mean to do. I had already decided to take advantage of Professor Dolohov's offer in order to benefit our side, what; I am fully cognisant of the risks I am undertaking and, my response to Mr Lestrange aside, I have no wish to die in the attempt, what. My goal is to end this conflict, successfully, so that we can all bally well enjoy freedom and a chance at happiness.
-Finch-Fletchley