ORDER ONLY: Private Message to Sirius and Remus

I hate nights.

I'll just end up sitting and thinking, and I can't get away from it no matter how hard I try.

I'd go down and start on the laundry just to get out of my own head for awhile, only I'm too bloody tired.

Why are they keeping him so hidden?

What on earth could they be doing to him?

Is it spite? A trap? Some previously unknown and awful thing? These are the monsters who thought up a machine that drained the magic of newly born babies. They turned Moody into an abomination and made him march down the street in a parade. They kept the bloody King of England hidden away until they needed his heart ripped out of him. They thrive on unspeakable cruelty and horror, and there are no limits to their capabilities.

And they have my son.

I spend every night sitting in bed, fervently wishing and praying that my son has died.

I should have brought them with us to Moddey. I could have had years with him. I could have been there for him and been his mum, really, truly, in every way that counted, and could have kept him safe. This is my fault. I abandoned him.

I'm sorry.

I'm just

We haven't heard a damn thing, and it's coming up on a month, and

It's been a long day.

I might invite myself over for tea tomorrow.